Uh oh….
July 25, 2011
It’s that time of year again. The one where I realize I am woefully unprepared for my triathlon season and I fantasize about ways to get out of running them. Of course, just saying “I don’t want to” isn’t enough. Not do it? My husband looks at me like I have offered him turpentine instead of cream for his coffee at the mere suggestion selling my race registration. In all honesty, I would be sorely disappointed with myself for not getting out there. I can’t blame him for the irrational, potentially ligament damaging thought that I should just be able to do this, its all me.
My first year, an Achilles injury was the culprit. Second year, a sprained ankle. Third year, it was the kid’s summer schedule. This year? I blame my emphasis on preparing for dehydration. And my new job. And the kids being home. In all honesty, I think I am experiencing burn out and have grown resentful of the assumption that, even with all the constraints on my schedule, I should just be able to do this.
The details are all lost. Forget the limitations imposed and competing demands in my life. Without the fuel, training, support and restoration, how can there be the expectation that I will be ready? But there is. It’s like pouring everything you have into the unattainable and feeling empty because you couldn’t make it happen like you thought you should. And I will beat myself up for not finishing faster, doing more during the year to train and even for contemplating not starting.
Could I have trained harder? Absolutely. But with 4 weeks to go, I dive in and train as though I never stopped. Ninety-nine percent of of endurance racing is mental so I will go with this: I define success and it starts with shedding the expectation that I should just be able to do this.
Someday I’ll break the 3-hour mark…maybe in 2034.
